I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
