Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
