Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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