sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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