She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
