i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
