So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
