1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
