bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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