Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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