I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
