What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
