so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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