Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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