Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
