you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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