Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
