it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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