weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
