If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those π
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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