Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize