i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it's like iHOP with fire
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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