He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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