There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
