So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
