in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ketchup is God's man juice
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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