i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
