where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
