I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
