White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
