I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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