I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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