I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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