I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
