Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
