Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
