Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
