I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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