I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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