if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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