Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
