Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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