forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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