hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?