Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress