remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME