I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type