OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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