dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
