They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize
