It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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