ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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