As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She bit a glass in half.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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