I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
