I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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