Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
