Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower