Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.

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  (512): I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila. http://tfl.nu/7qws
  Replies (15) Good night (7811) Bad night (966)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse

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  (407): he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse http://tfl.nu/je2y
  Replies (160) Good night (11524) Bad night (1246)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.

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  (860): The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up. http://tfl.nu/uswo
  Replies (14) Good night (1359) Bad night (4380)
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  (858): View more from California

  Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it

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  (858): Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it http://tfl.nu/r7l5
  Replies (16) Good night (5419) Bad night (1068)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"

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  (304): What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?" http://tfl.nu/r7md
  Replies (12) Good night (3547) Bad night (1450)
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  (805): View more from California

  WHY are the edges of my bra charred???

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  (805): WHY are the edges of my bra charred??? http://tfl.nu/czt9
  Replies (12) Good night (3390) Bad night (1107)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter

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  (616): they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter http://tfl.nu/a4jz
  Replies (30) Good night (5453) Bad night (1462)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing

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  (573): If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing http://tfl.nu/6uck
  Replies (10) Good night (2446) Bad night (902)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers

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  (864): I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers http://tfl.nu/0wmu
  Replies (5) Good night (1626) Bad night (635)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home

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  (505): I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home http://tfl.nu/ti9z
  Replies (5) Good night (585) Bad night (1058)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work

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  (859): You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work http://tfl.nu/e8m2
  Replies (3) Good night (1243) Bad night (594)
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  (707): View more from California

  I wish your snatch was here

  (443): View more from Maryland

  If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you

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  (707): I wish your snatch was here (443): If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you http://tfl.nu/x7y8
  Replies (12) Good night (1727) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack

  (1-315): View more from New York

  This is why I love you...

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  (315): Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack (1-315): This is why I love you... http://tfl.nu/jq03
  Replies (5) Good night (917) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.

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  (601): Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes? (1-601): She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her. http://tfl.nu/le6w
  Replies (4) Good night (448) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex

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  (207): He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex http://tfl.nu/e8rm
  Replies (0) Good night (516) Bad night (343)

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