So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
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I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation