I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
