i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!