Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking