So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it