I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
