i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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