wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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