Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
