he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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