I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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