Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
